From their webpage:
The Portland Committee for Human Rights in the Philippines (PCHRP) is an organizing committee of immigrant youth, students, professionals, workers and allies working together in solidarity to advance in the national democratic movement in the Philippines, in the United States through education, leadership development and political action.
In Portland, PCHRP serves as an outlet for local, national, and international action alerts, media updates, and general information related to human rights violations against Filipinos in the Philippines and U.S. PCHRP organizers lead political education discussions, films, guest speakers, panels, and vigils in response to bring attention to the worsening conditions of Filipinos in Portland, the U.S. and in the Philippines.
A great friend of mine (whose activism I’m in rather awe of/inspired by) works with this group out of Portland, OR and asked me if I’d be open to doing a t-shirt design for them even before I put out the call last week. I gave him a “uuuuhYES” and we got started, settling quickly on a design that integrated traditional textile designs from both cultures.
About the shirt sale proceeds: These sets will be scheduled to be picked up or delivered by December 20. Proceeds from this fundraiser will benefit our SAVE OUR SCHOOLS campaign, we are hoping to raise enough money to build a school for 30 indigenous students in Mindanao, Philippines.
I went to a workshop this past weekend run by RISD for students/ alumni/ community who were interested in learning more about the basics of starting a business. So business plans, pitching, funding, legal issues, etc. Totally invaluable to where I am right now, because otherwise I’m stuck with hunting down people more experienced than I and peppering them with questions, hoping they don’t get sick of me before I run out of things to ask. But I also went in, without realizing it, with a lot of baggage of what I percieved to by my own limitations. That is for me, in a word, math. And the importance of it to a business has always been a far-off, daunting mountain that I was afraid of climbing.
I don’t have a great history with math. I was pass/fail most of highschool, and though I had some good teachers who tried their best, I felt like my mind was blocked from comprehending what they were telling me. I thought, in the typical low-self-esteem, self-blaming way of any teenager, that it was natural stupidity.
So after the first talk of this workshop, a fantastic run-through of business plans by Bill Foulkes I raised my hand and asked:
It was only later that I realized that the very way I framed my question was self-defeating and self-obstructing. But I’ll get to that in a moment.
His response piqued my curiosity, because I remember being okay at math up until that point. (Really, it was algebra that did me in. Geometry was a piece of cake though.) So when the final speaker of the day came around (the young but sharp Chris Tolles) and he told us all we’d be doing a workshop of pricing a theoretical product, I was, albeit nervous, curious to see it in action.
So he gave us the low down on our ‘product’. We made gaskets for space shuttles, but with NASA shutting their program down, Russia was going to be our only customer. They were pretty steady customers but there wasn’t going to be much growth. We could, however, switch to making rubber linings for floruescent lights, which had certain advantages over the current market products. Then, without much more than that, he told us-
So I turned to the woman next to me at my table and started thinking aloud. Not about numbers, but about questions.
And it struck me. I was figuring out the math equations. I didn’t have any numbers yet, but that would be the easy part. This wasn’t a test where I couldn’t use a calculator. The test would be the real world.
How f–ing cool was that?
As the workshop turned to discussion, I found my hand raising again and again. This was fun. This was exciting! In school, they gave you those word problems like “two trains are heading towards each other…” and I’d always wonder why we cared about when they crossed or where they collided. But this is like that problem only applied. We were the train company trying to plot the most scenic route, trying to find speeds that were efficient yet allowed for good viewing, finding the cost of the food in the dinner cars per customer, designing the interior furniture to be relaxing and period-esque. We were dealing with real problems in all their beautiful, crazy complexity.
This was math?
At this point it also dawned on me how my belief in my own incapability and limitations had held me back. So much so in fact that I’d been unable to even ask a question about it without being self-deprecating.
So I’m going to start taking notice of that from now on. What kind of questions do I ask that I preface with “I’m just/not very/but I”? Because it could very well be the reality that the only limitations I have are the ones I put on myself.
Don’t you just love “How To” titles? As if I’m about to tell you everything you could possibly want to know about this topic. Table of contents, citations, bam. Everything. Well, since I only know everything about MY sleeping habits, it will not be that. Yet since I don’t believe I’m a perfectly unique snowflake in this universe, I’ll share my experience knowing there’s others out there who suffer similarly or worse.
Every time I try to sleep these days, I get a circus merry-go-round whizzing around in my head.
My mind starts throwing every email I read, every email I need to write, every new person I met, every new design change, schedule deadline, and frustrating conversation at me in endless circles until I start to feel dizzy. It’s impossible to fall asleep.
Even if I do manage to get to sleep, the anxiety comes out in a constant grinding of my teeth and tightening of my muscles until my dreams are filled with the sensation of being two stones rubbing against each other.
And sleeping pills don’t help. Okay, I haven’t tried the really strong ones, but those are iffy. You know, the whole thing about their being addictive. I’ve never liked being dependent on anything other than fresh air and exercise. But using melatonin (a supposedly non-addictive, herb-based supplement) is only good for falling asleep. And when the anxiety kicks in later that night…
These problems aren’t new for me. In fact, they’re better than they used to be. I’ve always internalized my stress, which isn’t unusual. But for some reason, it seems like others can do it without suffering many consequences besides the ocassional need to go out and get raging drunk, but my stress has always manifested psychosomatically. So not only are there the common symptoms of perspiring more, higher heart rate, etc, but I also get terrible stomach pains, heartburn, anxiety attacks, and more. Physically, it sometimes feels as if there’s a lit match in my stomach or someone’s compressing all my insides.
I wish I got a diamond out of it. Seriously.
So when it comes time to actually get some sleep, I look at modern technology and want to yell “come on, gimme a quick fix for my problem, dammit!” After all, we’re in the future already, aren’t we? So shouldn’t there be some non-addictive fix for all my problems so I can shunt my emotional life aside and not let it get in the way of my productivity??
You’ve totally thought that before. Don’t lie to yourself.
But then, in the midst of my sleepless crisis, I remember something I used to use in college. It’s called 9 Beets. An artist took Beethoven’s 9th Symphony and stretched it to 24 hours without pitch distortion, and there’s a site that streams it constantly (just click their link and select ‘open’, not ‘save’). At first, it’s unpleasant to listen to. It’s strange, a bit unnerving even. And as you start it, it feels like trying to stop a rolling car by sticking your foot out the door and dragging your sneaker on the asphalt. Yet if you stick with it and sit in a dark room with some tea and headphones, it brings all the merry-go-rounding to a stumbling, crashing fall. It stretches and relaxes your sense of time, shows you what foolishness it is to be constantly living on a techno beat.
And then… finally… sleep comes.
Sometimes it’s hard to accept the fact that we’re human. It’s easy to feel like western culture is shaving away at what makes us “only human” to the point where we look down on those who live with acknowledged limits. “Oh, you can’t hold down two jobs while starting your own business? Please.” “Why would you want a relationship that requires emotional attachment? Just hook up and move on.” “Why don’t you know how to design, animate, manage, and program too? We won’t hire you unless you do.”
And yet at the same time, we’re moving away from that. Offices are improving their quality of work-life, working from home is no longer anathema, and there’s been growing awareness of the long-term effects of working too hard without the play and relaxation.
But it’s hard to accept that in yourself, especially when you’re trying to get a business off the runway (and you’ve never flown a plane before).
But if you don’t accept it, you’ll crash. So I think I’ll be listening to 9 Beets more regularly from now on.